Isn’t that a killer question! Many people join toastmasters because they have some level of fear about public speaking.

But what are they afraid of. If that is you – what are you afraid of.

Fear Insights

I’ve had a funny week which included some insights into fear. They started with that question “What are you afraid of?”

The fascinating thing was that once we worked through the “I don’t know” and “if you did know what would it be” stuff… I realised that the thing I was afraid of was what I already had.

I was afraid on the deepest level of being ‘alone’. Alone not lonely – having no one around for support and feeling isolated and alone when big things happen in life. That is something I have already experienced in my life.

Therefore what was I afraid of – that already existed and has already been experienced.

So Focused On Fear

Isn’t what I described above, so often what happens. We become so focused upon the fear that we fail to realise the thing we fear most is actually what we already have.

For example I have heard answers like “I am afraid of not being perfect”. Well one of us are perfect and face judgement about that every day. Most often that judgement is our own against ourselves. As a perfectionist when you speak people are never as harsh about you as you are about yourself.
Not being perfect is where you already are.

If it is bigger about being afraid of letting people down it is a fear on a different level. Again though what happens when someone wants you to and asks you to speak – when you can’t you let them down. Your fear actually creates the very thing you fear.

“I’m too embarrassed” Isn’t it embarrassing to have people work so hard to cajole you, encourage you and support you to speak only to let them down but not giving it a go?

“I’m afraid I’ll make a mistake” Wow imagine that – in mid stride in a speech contest I referred to a life changing smile as – a heartworming smile. It was a funny tongue tied mistake that got a huge laugh. A laugh so great we incorporated it into the speech at the next level of the contest. The greatest mistake we can make in life is not to try.

Fear is Self Centred

Fear is one of those funny things. It isn’t real. It isn’t a tangible object we can move, pick up, put down. Its reality is our imagination and feeling of it.

The things we fear are all about ourselves. How people will react to us based on our own judgement and reaction to ourselves. One aspect of that is that the focus is what people will think of us. What’s ironic is that everyone else is so busy thinking about what people think of them they don’t have time to think about you!

Public speaking unlike fear is not about you. Public speaking is about your audience. Public speaking is about giving not taking. What you get out of it is really dependent on what you give to it.

Next time you’re afraid to stand up – especially new toastmasters at a toastmasters meeting – stop worrying about yourself and think whether you have something to say that the other people in the room could benefit from hearing. If so simply stand up and speak.